Riding Life's Waves: The Art of Being Present Through Duality

I'm not perfect, I am human.

I don't always have the energy that is required of me as a parent, as a husband, friend, son, brother. I am human.

I don't always want to show up for others in my life. I don't always want to step up for those that rely on me, for those that count on me, for those that look up to me. I am human.

I don't always feel good enough, capable enough, smart enough, resilient enough, intelligent enough. I am human.

I don't always have the strength to persevere in the face of hard days, of adversity, of challenge. I am human.

I don't always want to stick to the habits that I know contribute to my health, wealth, and happiness. I am human.

I don't always want to work, to plan, to brainstorm, to create and follow through with my plans. I am human.

I don't always know what's best for me.
I don't always take my own advice.
I don't always have the capacity to handle what life throws at me.
I don't always make the best choices.

I am human.

When I'm feeling down and out, low, introverted, exhausted, less-than-my-best-self, all I really want to do is curl up into a ball and hide away from the world.

When all of the "don't wanna's" are staring me in the face, when I'm identified with them, when I'm stuck in my own melodrama, my own game, my own desires, that's all there is and that's what my life is.

When I feel like I have nothing left to give and I want to escape, I want to run off to the bar or go on an adventure, or leave this place for another, somehow better place than where I'm at right now, I create a fantasy in my mind of how things could be better.

I am human.

Every time I am confronted with this "lower" part of myself that just wants things to be easy, wants things to go smoothly, wants to break free from all responsibility, all required work, all effort - it seems as though that's who I am.

And then I remember - I always have a choice of how to respond.

Sometimes, the best and healthiest thing for me IS to retreat within, to rest, to close the computer, shut off the phone, lean on my wife for support, call my mother, cry in the darkness of my bedroom, shut down.

Most of the time, however, the only real and helpful thing I can do is reflect on the moment and remember that I always have choice.

To be present and aware with these states is sometimes so difficult, so abrasive to what I think I want, so opposite my impulse in that moment that it feels like the hardest thing in the world to do.

Perhaps I'm even present while I'm shutting down, crying, getting angry, lashing out, fantasizing, wishing, dreaming.

That's a real trip - when you watch yourself being the person you know you don't want to be.

When I choose to be the driver in these moments, when I choose to be responsible, to live for others, to take a deep breath and carry on regardless of how I feel, to answer what life is calling for - I always come out the other side better.

I always come out renewed, empowered, and saying "Wow man, look at what you did?"

This doesn't mean I don't listen if my body is tired.
Nor retreat from the world.
Or give up and escape.

No, it means I wield my sword of discernment and ask myself "Who do I want to be?"

Who do I want to be for my kids, my wife, my friends and family, my community?

Who do I want to be for ME???

I believe we are all a dichotomy - a lower and higher self.

A version of me that steps up, and a version of me that falls down.
Who I really am is right in the center. The Witness.

If I can witness myself in my own game, somehow, someway, there is more choice than there was before.

When you cease to identify with your suffering (or ecstasy, for that matter) you realize that you always have choice.

The choice is - can I be present with this, or not?
Can I summon up within myself the life-force that carries me, that carries all things, or not?
Can I be who I know I want to be?

And who is that??

🧐 What happens when you start living like this:

By and by, your life begins to take on a quality of floating, of being carried, of somehow being guided by an invisible hand.

It doesn't mean things don't still get hard, or you don't have grievances.

It doesn't mean you are a failure.

It doesn't mean you lack something.

It means you're human.

The truth of our human condition is that we are constantly dancing with positive and negative, pleasure and pain, energy and rest, work and play, love and hate. ☯️

There is no escape from duality except by being with it.

When you can be with life through all the ups and downs you realize that you always have freedom, you always have choice, you always have the ability to be right-here-right-now.

Your life becomes a dance, and you are simply witnessing the show from behind your eyes.

That all sounds really esoteric, idealistic, like a great idea - especially if you've never considered that reality.

I was always extremely skeptical of those who say things like this because it was so far away from what my experience was that I thought those types of people were living in a dream.

Again, my humanity reveals itself.

Until I started living this way, until I truly and authentically realized that the only thing to do is be present, I thought it was some kind of a far-out pipe dream people were caught up in to avoid reality.

Don't take my word for it - do it yourself.

When life feels hard, decide right then and there that you're here for it. For all of it.

This takes practice. It takes patience. It takes perseverance.

It's much easier to practice being present when things are going well. When you have time and space. When you are resourced.

That's why meditation is called a "practice."

It seems funny that one should "practice" being present, doesn't it?

✨ When you are able to "practice" being present in moments you have the capacity to do so, your ability to be present when it feels difficult expands.

But really, our mind is so cunning, so creative, so hungry for attention, that it comes up with all sorts of games and attachments to feed itself with.

This predicament is one we all truly face.

And the funny thing is, when we surrender to the moment, whatever may be occurring, we turn effort into effortlessness.

The Taoists have a term for this - Wu-Wei.

The most accurate translation of Wu-Wei is "effortless action". It is a sort of let-go, a surrender, "riding the wave". When you "go with the flow" rather than resisting. Naturalness.

And resistance can indeed be a signal to you that you are going against the grain. Turn that resistance into a rudder, guiding your ship to where it needs to go.

Until you practice being who you are, being with whatever arises, being still and silent in the face of WHO YOU ARE, your life will continue to happen "to you" not "for you".

If there were a guidebook for being human, would you read it? Would you believe it?
Would you commit yourself to learning it?

The guidebook is your moment-to-moment existence. It's always there. It's always available.

No master or teacher can give it to you. No seminar or mastermind can change your life. No book, tome, or scripture can reveal it to you.

They can only point you in the direction. You must find it out for yourself.

For in the midst of all teaching, all learning, all suffering, all joy, all experience - there you are.

You are human.

Have a blessed day, fellow human. 🕉