The Flower Within: Cultivating Self-Awareness and Inner Peace

For most of my life (especially my teenage and young-adult years) I felt extremely uncomfortable in my skin. I experienced anxiety 95% of the time. I didn't like who I was.

The sensitivity that was natural for me, I had no context for.

This resulted in a variety of unhealthy behaviors -- primarily, drug and alcohol abuse, steroid abuse, and an overcompensation for my perceived shortcomings by trying to make myself as big and strong as possible.

I was ALWAYS worried about what others might think of me.

I felt small inside. I felt insignificant. I had trouble finding joy in normal, everyday things that others seemed to enjoy just fine without needing anything at all.

Some pretty big and uncomfortable things had to happen for me to change my conception of myself.

I had to become a full blown addict. I had to get arrested (multiple times). I had to hit lower and lower bottoms.

I found myself in the underbelly of society.

I had to get pushed around by the universe - like a bowling ball that has spun out into bumpers, over and over, bumping up against a barrier, right into the gutter.

And I thought it was all because of me that horrible things were a regular occurrence. There was something wrong with ME.

Eventually, I started to see that in order for me to live a life worth living, to live up to my innate potential, to make a real difference in the world, & to actually ENJOY my life, I needed some help.

I made a decision to change who I was and I started taking small steps toward becoming someone else.

And it took time - there is no quick fix.

It's like growing flowers: you work and toil in the soil, you may sweat, you may get dirty, you may wonder if it's going to come up.

By and by, you plant a seed, you water it, nurture it, and one day it sprouts. This is the most sensitive stage and often requires your protection, your loving care.

At some point, all you have to give it is water and appreciation, for you know it is now strong enough to survive and thrive on it's own. One day it flowers, and you enjoy it's beauty, it's fragrance.

You may even look back at what transpired to make this flower manifest.

If your life is being challenged in big, existential ways, it can seem daunting (even impossible) to start making the steps towards changing your reality.

But as the great mystic Lao Tzu says in the Tao Te Ching:

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Small steps in the right direction send you on the trajectory towards greatness, towards wholeness, towards contentedness.

Little things, done consistently over time, yield the most profound results, especially in hindsight.

For at least a year or two, I would meditate or visualize and wonder "Is this even doing anything?" or "Is this working?"

But I kept at it, and began to see that this Spiritual Journey I was on yielded the greatest results later.

The biggest changes that I could see, occurred as the result of years of dedicated practice. And not just practice, dedication to the path.

Eventually, my meditation became enjoyable, desirable, something I looked forward to and knew that when I did it, I walked through the world with more ease, less anxiety, and more profundity.

😟 When you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, it's pretty difficult to feel comfortable anywhere.

😔 When you have anxiety, depression, or are stuck in rumination, it can be difficult to do anything at all.

😣 When you don't enjoy your own company, you are likely not going to be the best company with others.

Now flip that ~~~👇

😊 When you're comfortable with who you are, you are naturally comfortable in more situations than not - and if you're not comfortable, it's quite easy to find your center, to find where you RESIDE within your body. You chuckle at yourself for you mind's creation of discomfort.

😄 When you are in touch with your emotions, you find value in states of anxiety, depression, or rumination, because you know these states are trying to tell you something - thus it becomes easier to move through them and you're guaranteed to learn something.

🥰 When you love being with yourself, most of the time, others will love being with you.

* Here's the real Alpha:

All of these uncomfortable states - anxiety, depression, rumination, unworthiness - are just one side of the coin.

When you become more self-aware, practice honest self-reflection, and LEARN how to love your own company, the coin flips.

Self-Consciousness ➡️ Consciousness of SELF
Anxiety/Depression ➡️ Excitement/Transformation/Restfulness
Self-Deprecation ➡️ Self-Love

Chronic states of self-loathing, depression, anxiety, or fear are not diseases - they are states of Spiritual Transformation.

Meditation in and of itself isn't a cure-all but it does have many beneficial side-effects that negate undesirable states substantially.

It also gives you the capacity to hold these states with an attitude of curiosity, to be with them when they arise, to be able to look at them and ask "What are you trying to teach me?"

You've got to find YOUR WAY of walking through life. And it's never alone. Others are always present, supporting your growth.

In the same way that each flower has it's own way of growing, you too have your own way of growing, of living optimally. And it starts from within.

We do not grow a flower by looking at instructions, assembling each part until it is complete.

We grow a flower by our intention, preparation, nurturing, trust, and consistent attention.

If all of these parameters are present, the flower grows by itself. Become watchful, and you will see, it always grows completely and utterly from within.

All of it's parts unfold at once. 🌹☯️🙏