The Age of Comparison
Have you ever wondered what life would be like if there was no Facebook, Tik Tok, X, or Instagram? How might our lives be better or worse without these platforms? I’m all for self-expression and I can see the benefits of staying connected, sharing value, and learning from one another, but the sneaky, underlying effect it is having on society is concerning to say the least.
Being able to communicate with friends and relatives who live halfway across the world via Facetime is like being in a sci-fi movie – it’s really happening and it’s opened so many doors for us as a society; however, I can’t help but contemplate the implications of such a powerful technology that, on the one hand, has allowed us to be connected worldwide at any moment and on the other, has generated a trend of ego inflation.
What are we really doing here?!? I don’t mean that in the existential, larger-than-life, deep meaning kind of way – I mean it in the literal. We go about our lives, doing things we love and enjoy (hopefully) or doing the work we find ourselves doing. We hang out with friends, go to parties, enjoy music, play sports, have conversations, and create things. We drive cars, listen to talk shows, and share our opinions about who’s running the world and what we do or don’t like about it.
Underneath all of these activities, all humans have a few basic needs that must be met in order for us to feel healthy and function properly. Abraham Maslow, a mid-19th century psychologist, proposed that we have a hierarchy of needs as human beings ranging from the purely physical (food, shelter, water, sleep, etc.) to the transcendental, which he calls “self-actualization” (fulfilling your potential, creative endeavors, etc). In between the bottom and top of this hierarchy, he includes things like: safety, connectivity, community, being seen and heard, and feeling accomplished.
However complete or incomplete his model is, his ideas make sense. If we use this model to assess how many of our own needs are being met, it becomes clear that the Social Media Age is having a direct impact on many of these needs in both positive and negative ways.
Do the benefits outweigh the damages? It depends on who you ask. Some people make an incredible living being Social Media Influencers. Others use these platforms as a marketing tool for their businesses or to teach and share topics of value that have helped them.
The majority of us, even if we obtain benefit from the high-value creators and teachers out there, will admit that at some point in our lives and days, we just scroll.
We are wired to learn, innovate, and create as a species; we have been on an exponential pattern of growth since our species emerged. The problem I see is in the hidden effect social media has on our psyche, a problem I call The Comparison Syndrome.
This topic has been well studied at length, but my perspective on it is that it is influencing the collective Ego, the part of ourselves that has to see what others are doing.
There has never been a more ego-driven society than that which exists today – a society of people who live their lives, have experiences, and are compelled to whip out the phone and catalogue it so we can share with our friends how cool we think we are. Not only does this behavior take us out of the moment, but it makes us think we need to be doing something so that others can see it.
It's like a popularity contest at maximum scale. Everyone on these platforms portrays their best version (photo, video, etc) of what their doing. It’s edited, filtered, and perfectly curated for the highest quality. Some people are extremely good at it too.
What we’re not seeing, is the other 99% of other peoples lives. We always want to put our best foot forward and share what we’re excited about. I’m not knocking that; when I share, I always want to put out the best quality I possibly can too. What I am concerned about, is the compare culture we live in where at any given moment you can open up an app on your phone and view literally thousands of other people who are doing things that appear to be incredible.
Sure, there are tons of people out there who are living successful, happy lives, and who do incredible things. We all have every right to share our successes and things we’re proud of. But if you’re not doing well, or aren’t sure about what you’re doing and you start comparing yourself to the images people put out on social media, that’s a recipe to create and perpetuate one of the most common traumas people experience in our day and age:
“I’m not good enough.”
It hinders growth. It crushes dreams. It takes your eyes off of yourself and puts them on another person only to make you feel “less than” or “not good enough” to pursue your dreams and passions. Going back to Maslow, it directly interferes with the middle portion of his pyramid. Namely, the need to be seen, heard, our self-esteem, our relationship status, and even our feelings of security.
How do we transcend this Comparison Syndrome and use these tools only for our growth? I’m still trying to figure that out. It’s virtually impossible not to be involved with Social Media in some way shape or form when you’re a creator, business owner, or community member. It has become so enmeshed with our society that I don’t know if anything can stop it. In fact, I think it is only going to get worse.
The only solution I can come up with, bar stopping engagement with it completely, is to continue working on yourself. Continue doing what you do so well, with so much charisma and determination, that you don’t even care what anyone else is doing. If we can focus on ourselves and block out the image others are putting out there, I believe more growth, greater fulfillment, and exponential success are at the crux of the path.
We’ve got to lift each other up. In an age where everything becoming available to us faster and faster, and information travels instantaneously, our lives are becoming increasingly more complex. The more complex it gets, the more we need each other - the more the middle section of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs becomes important.
Real connection, authentic relating, and our fundamental right to pursue what makes us happy, what gives us meaning and purpose, what makes us feel alive – these are the things that we should be supporting each other with. These are the things that reciprocate. These are the things that if we place all of our focus on, can generate true success and fulfillment.
If you’re feeling the negative repercussions of Comparison Syndrome, maybe it’s time to put down the phone for a while and focus on YOU! May you find ultimate fulfillment, purpose, and connectivity in your own life, every day.